Free Fallin'

It has been much too long since I have posted something new, so let me explain. As the semester was coming to a close I found myself in a constant state of “busy”. Those who know me can tell you that when I get in this state, it is almost impossible to get in contact with me. I tend to get so wrapped up in the moment of what needs to be done, that I lose touch of everything else going on around me. This is problematic. Although I do tend to work much better in high stress, busy situations, a lot of things fall to the wayside…like this blog. And because it has been so long, there has been so much that I have failed to write about. So, here is quick summary of everything that you have missed. I finished my first semester of college. I can not believe that I am finished with one-fourth of my undergraduate career. I know that sounds so dramatic, and my parents love to remind me of how young I still am, but seriously, it went by so quickly and sometimes I wish I could get some of that time back. It was an amazing year. I don’t think amazing even does justice to the year I had. Many people have asked me why it was such a great year and here is the honest answer: because I was so determined that it was going to be a terrible year. Going in to something with the worst possible outcome in mind can make anything seem glorious. But I don’t think that was even the half of it, most of the amazingness of the year came from all the learning I did. I learned from the diverse people I came into contact with, I learned from the outstanding professors I had, and most importantly I learned about myself. I can always seem to relate Thoreau into what I’m going through, so here it goes. He writes, “Not till we are lost, in other words, not till we have lost the world, do we begin to find ourselves, and realize where we are and the infinite extent of our relations” (Walden, 118). I was lost in terms of who I was, my faith in my religion was suffering, my family was miles away, and I hated the idea of where I was going to school. And at that moment of most uncertainty, “I found myself”. That sounds cheesy, but it’s true, that was when I learned the most about myself. This process isn’t one you go through just once though I don’t think. I think we are continually getting lost and continually being forced to find our way. I know I am. And each time there is someone or some people that have helped in that process. So, here’s a shout out to all my amazing friends I made at Berkeley; you all have been a huge part of my happiness this year. Thank you, I love you. 

Belief

Lately, I’ve been questioning what it means to believe. I have always relied so heavily on the opinions and beliefs of others, that sometimes it seems like I’ve forgotten how to make a decision based on my beliefs. Of course, when I was at the highest point of confusion, Bob Rees bases his entire class on belief. Oh how I love his class. 

A little background…the last two semesters I have been auditing a class by a well-known liberal, intellectual, mormon named Bob Rees. He and my maternal grandfather served in the same mission, and my father has always admired his writings, so we had a connection before even meeting. His class has held together my testimony this past year, when at times, I don’t know if it would have survived. 

One thing he said that really stuck out to me was: “I hope that belief is something that anchors us, but also something that can be challenged. Don’t ever be so committed to a belief that you can’t let it be challenged. If our belief is so insecure or so ‘anything goes’, then we have missed what belief is all about.”  I have always thought that a challenge to my belief is going to destroy it, but lately I have come to the realization that the opposite is true.

Emerson’s, Self-Reliance, is a perfect summation of how I feel about belief this evening…here are some of my favorite lines:

“Trust thyself”

“Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.”

“You will always find those who think they know what is your duty better than you know it. It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.”  

“Insist on yourself; never imitate.”

“Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. Nothing can bring you peace but the triumph of principles.” 

Ryan came to visit me in Berkeley about two weeks ago and unfortunately my memory card in my camera deleted all the pictures of the trip! Luckily, I had a few pictures on my phone as proof of our amazing weekend! Of course, a majority of the weekend was based around food, food, and more food, but we did manage to fit in some non-food related activities. 

Wednesday night: Ryan arrived and we went to dinner with church friends

Thursday: Ryan went to class with me and then we went to Cheeseboard Pizza (picture included), Bob Rees’ class, half of the Cal vs. USC basketball game, and then Cream (and ice cream sandwich shop). 

Friday: Started the day off by going to my Gender and Women’s Studies discussion. Then we got an awesome tour of Pixar Studios (pictures included). Friday night we dined at Burma Superstar, a yummy Burmese restaurant and then stayed up til early in the morning with dorm mates. 

Saturday: Woke up late and headed to the City for some Dim Sum followed by a couple of hours exploring City Lights Bookstore (pictures included). If you don’t know about it, check it out…it’s a super awesome Beat Generation bookstore— (http://www.citylights.com/info/?fa=aboutus). On the way back to Berkeley we happened to literally run into the Chinese New Year’s Parade which was a highlight of the trip. We ended the night by eating at a yummy vegan restaurant, Herbivore. 

Sunday: We attended three hours of the quirky Berkeley ward and then preceded to College Avenue, a street notorious for its cute shops and yummy food! Shout out to Pretty Penny and Zachary’s Pizza on College! We also got to check out the California College of the Arts, a cute arts school far down college. We ended the night at Ici’s Ice Cream which has already gotten a post! 

Monday: We ended an amazing weekend with brunch at La Note, a French restaurant in the oldest building in Berkeley (picture included). 

 Not many people can say that an amazing pianist like Jean-Yves Thibaudet came to play on their campus, but I had the opportunity to see him live two weeks ago. I mostly knew who he was from the Pride and Prejudice soundtrack, and so knew relatively little about him as a performer and player. Luckily for me, I sat to the left of the stage. This was perfect for a new Yves listener, because it allowed me to see his fingers as they practically danced over the keyboard and and his swaying movements as he tackled Liszt and Wagner to name a few. I can now say that I am no longer a novice Yves listener, and for those of you who are (and even those who know him well), enjoy… 

(This isn’t the piece I was hoping to have, but I couldn’t seem to find the pieces I was looking for…Les Jeux d’Eaux a la Villa d’Este, from Annees de Pelerinage and Isolde’s Liebestod from Tristan and Isolde were my two favorites)

Henri Cartier-Bresson

If you haven’t seen his work, go check it out NOW! The San Francisco Museum of Modern Art has an exhibit with his work and I got to see it this weekend…the photographs are beautiful and what I hope I can photograph like some day. 

“I prowled the streets all day, feeling very strung-up and ready to pounce, determined to “trap” life—to preserve life in the act of living.” -Bresson

“It is through living that we discover ourselves, at the same time we discover the world around us.” -Bresson 

From Sin City to Bezerkeley.

Before coming to Cal I was anything BUT excited. I hated the idea of pot smokers walking the streets, a plethora of homeless people begging for money, and the idea of living in a town away from family. To my surprise, my transition to Cal and to these new circumstances has been a piece of cake! I can honestly say that I love where I’m at. I love the pot smokers walking the street (okay, love may be too strong…I tolerate them). I have come to the realization that all those men asking from money have a mother, a father, a story, and that has helped me understand and accept them. I have missed my family, but I have made friends that are my family here. All those things that made the transition seem impossible have come to be things that I love most about where I’m at. 

What I’ve learned thus far from Michel de Montaigne

This semester I’m taking a Comparative Literature class titled, “The Art of the Essay”. We began the semester by reading an essay by Seneca and then comparing it to Jay-Z’s newest book. Alright, maybe admitting to reading a book by Jay-Z is not the best way to preface what I’m going to say, but needless to say, the class is interesting. I recently just finished an essay by Montaigne entitled, “On the inconstancy of our actions”…it really hit home. If you get the chance, I’d recommend reading the whole essay, if not here are two of my favorite lines:

“…there is as much difference between us and ourselves as there is between us and other people…” (Pg. 131)

“I speak about myself in diverse ways: that is because I look at myself in diverse ways.” (Pg. 128)

As I read about the vacillation that is the “most blatant defect of our nature”, it reminded me of something I struggled with and wrote about a year ago: being a liberal Mormon. I think that acceptance and understanding comes in multiple stages. That being said, although I have accepted the fact that I abide by two very different belief systems that many people don’t believe can mesh together, this essay shed a new light on my acceptance. I couldn’t agree more with Montaigne; there are so many traits and pieces of each person that to try and characterize someone as one thing is impossible. So, thanks Montaigne for showing me that everyone is comprised of contradictions.